I seem to be having the worst of months since I started to have bad months back in October last year. I really thought I was doing better: I am not. But I don’t want to give up on myself. I just need some support. My anxiety levels are skyrocketing. Hugs – even virtual – may help soothe me. Thank you for anything you can do for me. I am very grateful.

My mother-in-law is staying with us those days, so the cookers are her! I’ll break the dinner rule the next days, too…
I was also on holiday, could I wake up early?

Things are going OK just now. And I’m learning the hard way to appreciate such moments.

Three hour Skype call with some old friends in the evening. Must try and stay in touch with people more regularly!

nice hike up takao mountain :)

An okay day. Skipped the gym though. Mustn’t miss Thursday and Saturday or bye-bye life point.

Painters and roof tile repairers here off and on this week. Goal? Stay calm and don’t shout. Don’t get upset when they repeatedly yell out “Hey, Boss!” at the top of their lungs when they want to talk to you—wherever they are and you’re not.

Repeat: don’t shout. They won’t understand a word you say—just like you don’t understand a word they say. Such is life. Mr Tan, who does speak English very well, brings them and leaves them with…errrm…instructions.

I’m too old to learn Indonesian anyway. It’s like Malay but different. They don’t understand my Malay, though I do try. Probably just too much accent.

It’s only repairs. It will be over soon. This is the third different painting crew in two years. At least they’re not as bad as the first crew—they don’t change clothes in front of me on the patio or leave their chicken bones and cigarette butts for me to pick up.

Today’s successes: I didn’t shout. I wrote quite a bit. Made a ‘raclette’ meal for dinner—a first for me.

I am loosing my streak and not only at Health month. I miss my home and my routines. I have to put myself together, flossing. Ridicolous but effective.

Had a doctor’s appointment, then the last lesson of the speech course, went to yoga lesson in a park in the evening and watched a good movie (Dans la maison) with spouse. :)

Nimrod, the cat in my picture, caught two rats this morning. At least I presume it was he, since the other cat on the loose has shown no aptitude for it. I hope he caught them outside and brought them in, rather than they’re living in the house. Wrote one of two reports & program plans for students I start seeing tomorrow afternoon. My mom read to & played with the kids and was baffled by their new monster-construction toy, and then we took them all to the park for an hour. Did a little housework. Housemate fed them all dinner, I napped briefly. Got kids to bed. Got second report/program plan done, so I’m now feeling more confident. Still have to do lesson planning & printing of materials tomorrow.

Not as good a day as yesterday, but way better than Sunday. I know what I have to do tomorrow!

Talked in more depth with my new friend & confidant at the Y. She’s so awesome! I did talk a little more about bipolar, & she talked about her gardedness, trust issues, coming from a dysfunctional family, & fear of public speaking. I am amazed at how much better shape I am in for the bouncy kind of exercise… I know social stuff will continue to be challenging, but having Colleen’s acceptance & genuine comradery is super helpful. Looking forward to the Y tomorrow.

Decent day. Worked well all morning; slacked off by afternoon. Another lovely walk in the morning – the weather is perfect right now. A very interesting class with the 2 girls, they’re picking up things quickly, becoming more confident. They’re enjoying the classes and so am i :-)

I treated The Fella to a wash & wax for his new truck, he treated me to Chinese food, then home for exercise, some writing, and a few episodes of “Twin Peaks.”

Monday, we started our summer camp at school. Went well except the group of kids who were supposed to show up to help didn’t.

An ordinary day – couple of good work meetings, some other miscellaneous. Very tired. Didn’t sleep well because of that piece of fruitcake that I wolfed down just before bed last night. It sat in my stomach like a cement brick. Three cement bricks.

When I picked it up out of the fridge, it weighed a ton – I should have known better than to actually eat it. Wanted to try it because one of my in-laws made it. But it’s awful. Tomorrow, that out-law fruitcake brick goes into the garbage.
Take that ! – we don’t need no stinkin’ out-law fruitcake badgers.

I didn’t get a chance to walk today. It was so sad not to get any smiley faces saying “Hooray!” on my fitbit dashboard. But I’m within my weekly quota for HM purposes, so phew!

Continued shadowing a doctor today, at the hospital and at his practice. I’m really enjoying it. (It helps that all his patients know my parents and/or knew my grandparents; they’re all cooing over me which makes me much less nervous!)

I’m not feeling too sharp today. Going to be early.
I walked and bicycled…slowly.

Delighted to learn that I walked more than 12,000 steps/day on average last week, thanks to all the physical exercises in clown class. This is a major milestone for me, as I had been hovering between 7K and 9K for the past couple of months, and my usual goal is 10K.

>>>>>>>>> Wednesday’s Frogathon – all welcome! <<<<<<<<<

Cutting myself some slack on walking while Dan is in ICU.
Off to bed.

Was on my way to having sugar for a third day (against my rules this month) when my sweet daughter piped up, “mom, I don’t want to be a downer, but is this one of your sugar days?” Well, no. So I put the sugary treat away. She is a fine daughter.

Did little bits and pieces of things today, but “should” have done way more of some and way less of others, so I’m less than satisfied this evening with my efforts. For someone who “doesn’t watch tv” I can certainly waste a lot of time watching tv shows on Netflix.

At least I did go to the gym with my daughter today.

a better day

The wheel gave me a life point – hooray! Hoarding the pitiful few I have left.

A friend told me today how to make fluffy omelettes, which I shall try.

Monday:

Went to Addition-Elle and got two ankle-length skirts, two t-shirts, and two pairs of skin-tight shorts (they’re sold as underwear) to wear under my skirts so I don’t have to deal with my thighs chafing. I always get told to buy bike shorts, but I dare you to try and find spandex bike shorts when you’re a plus size. eyeroll My skirts are awesome; one is a greyish-brown jersey that will be perfect for days that I would normally wear jeans (it’s a casual fabric so it won’t look like I’m dressing up so much), and the other is a satiny bright red full skirt that will look amazing with a white shirt on a Sunday. One of the t-shirts is orange with the back of lace just from the neck and shoulders to just above where my bra band crosses, and the other is white with nine butterflies on it, and the butterflies are mostly orange and blue, only a little bit of pink!

I went to the bank and then I met my friend for lunch at Smitty’s, where I had eggs Benedict and a fruit bowl. We went to Wal-Mart to buy yarn and I got a box fan (because my husband keeps leaving the window in the bedroom open, and if outside is damp that means inside gets damp). Then we stopped at a new pet supply and tack store to check out what they have. It’s called Cow Town and they expanded from Regina. The horse stuff is like half the store – lots of Wrangler jeans and Western shirts and cowboy boots and riding boots and hats and saddles and the like. The rest of it is mostly cat stuff and dog stuff, of course. I’m going back to get a second litter box (issues with the cat using a particular location that isn’t her box so I’m going to see if I can correct it the easy way). The critter selection isn’t so hot. Usual small pet store cages, no Oxbow brand anything, all of the guinea pig pellets are alfalfa based (they should be timothy based for adult guinea pigs). I’d buy shavings there if they weren’t cheaper at Peavey Mart and if I used shavings regularly (really just when I’m away). I’m probably going to e-mail them and tell them how much I like the store, explain about the rescue, and let them know that my partner and I would love to be able to recommend them to our clients, but they would need to start stocking Oxbow brand pellets (or at least timothy based pellets) for us to do that. I’ll also tell them that I currently order in the vitamins for the boys from Montreal, but I would buy them at Cow Town if they start stocking those, too. (They’re Oxbow brand, so you know.) I figure pointing out key areas where they’ll start making more sales is a good way to get them to do it! :)

I spent the rest of the afternoon at the library, working, and then my laptop decided to have a meltdown when I tried to shut it down. That was fun. I got groceries and picked up my husband from work. We went to Wendy’s and then we plugged in the computer and he had a look at it. After a few tries of different things, he discovered that it was probably two things: first, the hard drive had come a bit loose; second, I did shut it down while it was trying to install some updates (I hate Microsoft for the fact that you can’t tell it to install updates later anymore. That is the absolute stupidest thing ever.) So the laptop is all better, but we’re going to test the hard drive to make sure it isn’t failing and then we’ll probably install Linux and make me a dual boot machine so I can use Linux most of the time and only use Windows when absolutely necessary (like if Office won’t work under Wine or whatever).

Then we had a meeting at the church, where it was just us and the priest, but we got some more ideas sorted out so it’s all good.

Came home, I finished editing a report while we finished rewatching Sherlock, and we went to bed.

I was so good all day, I even did an extra load of laundry in the evening.